So the song I want to play for you, after Adam finished singing they were out of time and Simon said well Ive got good news and bad news. The bad news is that I'm the only one who will be talking, and the good news is . . . . then he stood I mean actually stood and gave Adam a standing ovation. Then the rest of the judges and audience followed. I have NEVER seen Simon give a standing ovation after a performance (well except when the final winner is announced)
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent
to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors'choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads
for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why,
without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go
horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up
and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has
to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only
company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be
aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing
there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher?
Ever suffered from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time
of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel
hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few
minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my
husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the
human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division,
you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens
during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must
know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and
about our intense mood swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behavior.
You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last
week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her
boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he
thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize
that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants...
Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the
throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank
out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the
adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of
your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual
smiling, laughing happiness - is possible during a menstrual period? Did
anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it,
James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will
never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack
yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you
don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and
a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you
just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more
sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down
the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just
picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that,
effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly
profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And
though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one
minute miss your brand of condescending messages. And that's a
promise I will keep. Always.
Best Wishes,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors'choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads
for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why,
without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go
horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up
and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has
to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only
company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be
aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing
there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher?
Ever suffered from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time
of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel
hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few
minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my
husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the
human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division,
you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens
during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must
know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and
about our intense mood swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behavior.
You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last
week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her
boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he
thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize
that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants...
Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the
throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank
out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the
adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of
your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual
smiling, laughing happiness - is possible during a menstrual period? Did
anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it,
James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will
never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack
yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you
don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and
a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you
just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more
sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down
the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just
picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that,
effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly
profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And
though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one
minute miss your brand of condescending messages. And that's a
promise I will keep. Always.
Best Wishes,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Pensioner gears up for 772nd driving test
SEOUL, South Korea (CNN) -- One could say she has the determination ... but lacks the drive.
A 68-year-old South Korean woman this week signed up to take her driving test once again -- after failing to earn a license the first 771 times.
The woman, identified only as Cha, first took the written portion of the exam in April 2005, said Choi Young-cheol of the Driver's License Agency in the southwestern city of Jeonju.
At the time, she made her living selling goods door-to-door and figured she would need a car to help her get around, Choi told CNN.
She failed the test. She retook the test the next day and failed again. And again. And again.
"You have to get at least 60 points to pass the written part," said Kim Rahn, who wrote about the unflappable woman in the Korea Times, an English-language daily. "She usually gets under 50."
In the beginning, Cha went to the license office almost every day. Now, she no longer works but still turns up once a week, Choi said.
The office estimates she has spent more than 4 million won ($2,888) in exam fees.
Cha's last failed attempt was Monday.
She tries for the 772nd time either Thursday or Friday
http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/asiapcf/02/05/korea.driving.license/index.html?iref=mpstoryview
A 68-year-old South Korean woman this week signed up to take her driving test once again -- after failing to earn a license the first 771 times.
The woman, identified only as Cha, first took the written portion of the exam in April 2005, said Choi Young-cheol of the Driver's License Agency in the southwestern city of Jeonju.
At the time, she made her living selling goods door-to-door and figured she would need a car to help her get around, Choi told CNN.
She failed the test. She retook the test the next day and failed again. And again. And again.
"You have to get at least 60 points to pass the written part," said Kim Rahn, who wrote about the unflappable woman in the Korea Times, an English-language daily. "She usually gets under 50."
In the beginning, Cha went to the license office almost every day. Now, she no longer works but still turns up once a week, Choi said.
The office estimates she has spent more than 4 million won ($2,888) in exam fees.
Cha's last failed attempt was Monday.
She tries for the 772nd time either Thursday or Friday
http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/asiapcf/02/05/korea.driving.license/index.html?iref=mpstoryview
Monday, December 1, 2008
The Parrot
A young man named John received a parrot as an early Christmas gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back.
John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and shoved him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said 'I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.' John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued....
........"May I inquire as to what the turkey did?'
~ Happy Thanksgiving to all ~
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